Chemistry. Compatibility. Commitment.
These are the 3 things that are needed to make a relationship work, based on what I understand so far.
Chemistry is what attracts you to someone, what makes you take that first step. It is not necessarily about good looks. In fact, I do not think it is about a particular type of look. You can be round and short (as opposed to our modern culture’s thin and tall is beautiful). However, if that person finds you attractive, then to them… You’re beautiful.
It can also be anything that sparks interest in you. A laugh, a smile, a deep connection on something important to you.
Compatibility is what makes you stay. It is when you share the same life direction, principles/values and priorities. It is not necessarily liking the same things (such as food and music, though those are nice as well). It is about the deeper and more meaningful things.
Commitment is what keeps you, through everything. It is what keeps a couple together once things have become routine, when you fight, when you are annoyed at each other for days, when life gets hard, unexpected things happen and even when the other person has changed (which leads to the cliche “You’ve changed!”. In truth, everyone changes. That is life).
It is deciding “Let’s make this work, I want to keep working at this.” It is what separates the Mr/Ms Right Now from the Mr/Ms Right Now and For Ever.
If you have just been broken up with someone that you thought was the right one for you, that you thought had everything you ever wanted and you are hurting really bad, know that is perfectly normal.
However, also know that while you may have had chemistry and compatibility, commitment is what is most important in the long run. You want someone who will fight to stay. That person made the choice not to be the right person for you.
I find this fascinating because I’ve heard people say before “But she had everything I wanted in a partner. How come she just didn’t stay or want to make it work?” It makes us feel like we lost our one chance at true happiness.
I believe however, there is not just one person that is THE ONE for you. More than that, if this person does not CHOOSE to Commit, then they are not the right person for you.
If that person decides to commit some day, then you can decide at that time. For now, know that they just did not have what it takes to be your Mr/Ms Right Now and For Ever.
Note: If you broke up with someone for very valid reasons, trust your choice and I am in no way saying what you did was wrong. You may be hurting too but if that was what was right, then that’s right for you.