Journey #5: Mind & Body

As an elite athlete, my life revolves around training and competing. I train 6 hours a day, and participate in all sorts of world ranking events. However, 2015 is when I hit my all time low.

Adapted from https://statumentis.files.wordpress.com/

Adapted from https://statumentis.files.wordpress.com/

I was on a roll, winning all competitions and training my heart out to get a spot for the 2015 Pan American Games. I was chosen and was so excited. However, two months before, I broke my ankle and tore my ligament at the same time during practice. I lost my spot on the national team, the international team, and my dream of representing my country at the games.

Adapted from http://sportsconflict.org/

Adapted from http://sportsconflict.org/

My doctor told me that he wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to perform again, which threw me into a huge depression. I couldn’t walk for two months and needed multiple surgeries, so the physical pain just added to my hopelessness. I didn’t want to get out of bed, and all I wanted to do was to get back into practice and forget about my injury. But I couldn’t. I would find myself filling a bathtub with hot water and soaking my bad ankle in it just so I can feel something. I would sit there until the water got cold, crying because I had to give up everything I worked for in the last 10 years. It only got worse when I realized I would not be considered for the Rio Olympic Games due to my injuries.

Adapted from http://media.new.mensxp.com/

Adapted from http://media.new.mensxp.com/

I felt trapped and I couldn’t do anything to help myself. I lost my appetite, and my drive to get better since the recovery was painstakingly slow. I would isolate myself in my room, and spend the day sleeping, crying, thinking that I would never be able to perform again, just as the doctor said. I lost my motivation.

Adapted from http://www.ncaa.org/

Adapted from http://www.ncaa.org/

It picked up when my coach came for a visit and attended all my physical therapies with me. Slowly, very slowly, I was gaining strength in my foot and the ability to walk without pain. That turned into jumping, which turned into running, and eventually I came back after five months into my sport.

Adapted from Adapted from http://media.graytvinc.com/

Adapted from Adapted from http://media.graytvinc.com/

I’ll never forget how desperate and lost I felt when I lost my chance to compete, to even walk! The psychological pain was worse than the physical, and the recovery is still happening today. Sometimes I refuse to do a certain technique because I’m afraid of hurting myself and going back to how I felt.

Traveller: Anonymous

Posted in De Project, What is Depression? and tagged , , , .

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