I may have not been diagnosed with depression but I have definitely felt way more lows than highs, especially in the past couple weeks. I am a high school student who has to deal with homework, assignments and assessments at the same time as dealing with social, physical and other aspects of my life.
Once, my father was taken into hospital to have open heart surgery and that caused me a lot of anxiety. I remember on the day he was having the operation, I was on a school camp that was compulsory to attend and I remember that the place I was staying at didn’t have any reception, meaning I couldn’t contact my father. I remember completely freaking out because I was afraid he had died during the surgery or something had gone horribly wrong.
Long story short, he survived the operation and was released from hospital to come back home. However, merely two days after he was released from hospital, he had a heart attack, meaning he had to go back to the hospital and completely restart his recovery. This shook me up quite a bit because I wasn’t used to things like this.
After the second operation, I found that my father was a lot more aggressive than usual, scolding me for the smallest things and my mother, being placed under a whole lot of stress trying to take care of my father, joined in. Normally, I would’ve bounced back but after everything that happened, I guess that’s what finally broke me.
I had been fine for a couple weeks after that until, one night, my parents started yelling at me for no good reason. I was sucked into a black hole of thoughts that included ‘This is all your fault’ and ‘Go die you stupid child’. So, that night, I self-harmed for the very first time. I grabbed a knife from the kitchen that my mother used to cut vegetables and dragged it across my left arm.
From there, I have done more cutting but am getting assistance to try and stop self-harming. However, I can be triggered by the smallest things, from my parents yelling to my friends ignoring me.
So, that’s my story…