Journey #3: Forgotten Battles

I may have not been diagnosed with depression but I have definitely felt way more lows than highs, especially in the past couple weeks. I am a high school student who has to deal with homework, assignments and assessments at the same time as dealing with social, physical and other aspects of my life.

Adapted from https://blog.itriagehealth.com/

Adapted from https://blog.itriagehealth.com/

Once, my father was taken into hospital to have open heart surgery and that caused me a lot of anxiety. I remember on the day he was having the operation, I was on a school camp that was compulsory to attend and I remember that the place I was staying at didn’t have any reception, meaning I couldn’t contact my father. I remember completely freaking out because I was afraid he had died during the surgery or something had gone horribly wrong.

Adapted from http://i.dailymail.co.uk/

Adapted from http://i.dailymail.co.uk/

Long story short, he survived the operation and was released from hospital to come back home. However, merely two days after he was released from hospital, he had a heart attack, meaning he had to go back to the hospital and completely restart his recovery. This shook me up quite a bit because I wasn’t used to things like this.

Adapted from https://pixabay.com/

Adapted from https://pixabay.com/

After the second operation, I found that my father was a lot more aggressive than usual, scolding me for the smallest things and my mother, being placed under a whole lot of stress trying to take care of my father, joined in. Normally, I would’ve bounced back but after everything that happened, I guess that’s what finally broke me.

Adapted from http://images.counselheal.com/

Adapted from http://images.counselheal.com/

I had been fine for a couple weeks after that until, one night, my parents started yelling at me for no good reason. I was sucked into a black hole of thoughts that included ‘This is all your fault’ and ‘Go die you stupid child’. So, that night, I self-harmed for the very first time. I grabbed a knife from the kitchen that my mother used to cut vegetables and dragged it across my left arm.

Adapted from https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com

Adapted from https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com

From there, I have done more cutting but am getting assistance to try and stop self-harming. However, I can be triggered by the smallest things, from my parents yelling to my friends ignoring me.

So, that’s my story…

Traveller: Tassie

Posted in De Project, What is Depression? and tagged , , , , .

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