Sometimes i have days when i just bawl my eyes out and vent my anger and sadness, though the worst days were the ones where i just felt numb. I feel helpless. In the back of my head, i knew the only way to let out of my emotions that day was to get up, be productive and communicate with god.
However, i was too fatigued and numb i fell asleep for about an hour and a half. During that time, my mom tried to wake me up several times but to no avail. Which is pretty scary, in retrospect. I hate how helpless and unhelpful i was during those times. I became rude to people without meaning it. I couldn’t bring myself to do things that I’m supposed to do.
I have a friend that i love (like she’s my own sister) but every passing day she’s getting more and more busy. My parents, despite not knowing how to “talk” to me about this subject, still take a pretty important role since their mere presence soothes me down. However, I’m going to move out next year and study at a boarding school. This is something that i really look forward to, because i feel like this is a big step and an important decision in my life. I don’t know if I’m mentally ready, but i don’t want to be dependent all the time either. What will my roomies think if i keep this up? Can i move out and let go of things that i’ve been holding onto? Sigh
Traveller: Pree Kahar
**This journey was published with the permission of the original author under a pseudonym / anonymous.